Rather than rehash the same ole bullshit about what is right and wrong with our Royals, I thought it would be more fun (for me at least) to go down a different path. Have you ever stopped to think who your favorite Royals player would be in the Game of Thrones universe No? Only someone completely obsessed with the Royals and HBO’s hit series Game of Thrones would. Lucky for you, I am that person. My apologies to the people who do not watch the show as this will make no sense to you. But the phenomenon that is Game of Thrones will go down as the mega hit show of this generation and possibly of all-time, much like our current Royals dynasty. I highly recommend you give it a try. Enough talk, let’s delve into Royals kingdom to find out who’s who.
Alex Gordon = Ned Stark
The honorable and loyal Eddard of House Stark hails from the North and is one of the key members of the GoT story. Alex Gordon is known for his hard-nosed play and for being a consummate professional, playing the right way. Gordon also hails from the North (Omaha), could have opted for greener pastures this off-season but remained loyal. Both possess dry, somber personalities and would rather see the team/ realm prosper than achieve personal glory.
Salvador Perez = Tyrion Lannister
Perez may not come from wealth, be a dwarf or love to whore (that we know of) but he’s the fan favorite, much like the Imp. Both are fun-loving and quick to joke. Salvy is a master game caller and known for how he manages pitchers, similarly Tyrion possesses a keen mind for governing as both Hand of the King and adviser to Daenerys Targaryen. Tyrion is known for his wine, Salvy prefers Gatorade by the buckets.
Eric Hosmer = Daenerys Targaryen
The Hoz may not possess any dragons but he’s definitely a fiery competitor and born leader like the Mother of Dragons. They are both very pretty and seem to be the main characters in their stories. Hosmer could very well be Azor Ahai (George Brett) reborn. The prophecy of Azor Ahai states that the legendary hero will be reborn after a long summer amidst salt and smoke, wielding a sword called Lightbringer and save the world from the darkness. Think about it, Hosmer’s famous “No Fluke” article shows he could have been reborn from the salty tears and smoking wounds of losing the 2014 World Series to lead us all from the darkness of 20 years of horrible baseball.
Lorenzo Cain = Bronn
Like the famous sellsword, Cain came from nowhere in baseball only to rise through the ranks of MLB star players. Nimble and fleet of foot, Lorenzo frustrates the opposition by robbing them of hits much like Bronn does by skillfully moving about, wearing out his heavily armored opponents. Both are quick to joke and smile. If you ever need a clutch hit or choose trial by combat, these two can be deadly. And who else would be Salvy/ Tyrion’s side-kick.
Alcides Escobar = Arya Stark
Though neither possess size or power, both are tenacious competitors. Esky will fight and scrap at the plate, while Arya does it to survive. At times both lack discipline, but they should never be underestimated. Quickness and agility are huge assets of theirs. Arya does her dirty work with her sword Needle, while Alcides relies on his glove to make highlight reel plays. Stick em with the leather end Esky.
Yordano Ventura = Oberyn Martell
Ventura’s performances are always “must watch TV”, when Oberyn is on-screen you cannot look away. Both are incredibly flashy, cocky, charismatic warriors. The Red Viper of Dorne is one of the deadliest men in the Seven Kingdoms, Yordano throws fire and can quickly dispatch the mightiest of hitters with his dynamite stuff. However, stubbornness and rage can lead both men to get their heads bashed in.
Joakim Soria = Barristan Selmy
Soria was once the Lord Commander of the Royals kingsguard (bullpen) and one of the most well-respected closers in baseball. He has bridged two different eras in Royals history like Selmy’s two generations of Targaryens. Age may have slowed their skills on the field of battle but both can still provide sound counsel to those they serve.
Danny Duffy = Jorah Mormont
Due to command betrayal, Duffy has been exiled from the Royals starting rotation about as often as Ser Jorah has been sent from Daenerys’ side. Duffy’s loyalty to help his team, no matter his role, parallels Jorah’s loyalty to his Queen. Both bearded men have great potential to be weapons for their perspective sides. House Mormont is from Bear Island and their sigil is a bear in the woods, Duffy is fond of donning a bear suit. Coincidence? Fur Sure.
Kelvin Herrera = Grey Worm
Grey Worm is the soft spoken leader of the Unsullied and known for being a fierce fighter. Herrera is also soft spoken and an unemotional leader of the Royals bullpen. Kelvin serves as lieutenant to Wade Davis, Grey Worm to the Mother of Dragons. Both feature power and speed, and both are learning English as a second language.
Omar Infante = Theon Greyjoy
Omar has cruelly betrayed Dayton Moore and Royals fans just like Theon did to the Starks. While Theon is technically no longer a man, following his torture, Omar has tortured us all with his girl-like throws. Both are utterly pathetic creatures and broken shells of their former selves. They are now sympathetic characters that need put out of their misery. Theon goes by Reek, Omar’s game reeks. RIP Omar!
Moose = Hound
Neither of these brutes are particularly easy on the eyes, however, they are no-nonsense beasts in battle. Both are fan favorites and serve as protectors to those close to them. The Hound is fond of saying “Fuck the King” and also of eating chickens. Moose says “Fuck You” to Noah Syndergaard and has partnered with Stouffer’s marketing meals featuring, you guessed it, chicken.
Ned Yost = Stannis Baratheon
These two are known for being stubborn, stern, hard men with a strong sense of justice. They are proven to be excellent battle commanders and for making those around them uncomfortable. The Baratheon sigil is a stag, Yost loves to hunt them. Stannis seeks to claim the iron throne but Yost has already taken the crown.
Luke Hochevar = Davos Seaworth
These two incredibly likeable characters are loyal and reliable. Whatever situation, Ned Yost calls on Hochevar; he delivers as the fireman. The same could be said of the Onion Knight for Lord Stannis. Although not the most important men on their teams, their steadfast trustworthiness plays a vital role.
Wade Davis = Jon Snow
Jon Snow is solemn, brave, compassionate, resourceful and a natural leader. Davis has many of those same qualities, his face gives nothing away on the mound. Jon cut his teeth as steward to Lord Commander Mormont of the Night’s Watch, Wade served as steward learning under the great Greg Holland. Lord Commander Snow returned from the dead, as Davis did in Game 6 of the ALCS. Jon could very well be Azor Ahai reborn and the key hero to the whole story. Wader is coming!!
If you’re wondering where Joffrey Baratheon is, well, that little bitch is in Chicago (ahem, Brett Lawrie).
There you have it, your Royals Game of Thrones tribute. Hopefully it was as much fun reading as it was writing. Consider it a character guide for those of you that don’t watch GoT for when you do start. I suggest you get cracking. There are only two episodes left in this exciting season. Let’s hope the Royals season closes out with as much excitement and anticipation.